Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Artificially natural

Taxidermy is beautiful, but I can't stand all the dead things people surround themselves with in their homes. It's always so blatant and flashy. But when you've got a wall covered with an assortment of plastic turtle shells, so nice. It's easy to imitate nature without taking from it. Don't worry - I will never go vegan.

I hate the antler crap. My neighbors across the street have one in their foyer facing the street. They always leave their door open (not so smart in my hood) and I have the pleasure of peaking into their interior. Very nicely done but they have those white antlers that are unfortunately, everywhere. There are exceptions though, this Ghost Antler coat rack is so creepily cool. Would be even creepier if it glowed from within like those Ikea lights from a few years ago.

This slab of wood is so beautiful. I don't understand why the designer attached such disgusting spindly legs. Such a sad understatement. Hope the tree was dead already.

I was checking out the before and afters at Domino, and this mirror caught my eye. Much like another bathroom from another Domino gallery, drift wood, or the looks of it, look damn good in a clean, well-lighted place. Pale like birch planters. V trendy, I know, but I like. I also like coral. Solly.

Unnatural, but kind of neat:

Also v crunchy, I would think. You could not take a nap on this. Way too much crunchy and it would probably induce pollution nightmares. Think of all the furniture you could make out of that floating plastic continent in the Pacific!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

adventures, hopefully?

I really need to go on an adventure of some sort when school ends. I think I'll be a tourist this summer. Leave entire days open to ride buses. Stupid work.

Also want to go on a plane to see what plane food is like nowadays. I haven't eaten plane food since 1997!! And when I land here or there, I want to see this:

This salt and pepper couplet from the MoMA Store forces an awww.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

i'm really bushy right now

I just want to express my frustration over beloved Lost Tweezer.

I cannot find my tweezer. Basically looks like this, if you see it.

I see no point in buying a new one. I think I want to wait and see if I find my old one. I'm pretty nostalgic.
I hope I find it before Prom. I also hope it didn't fall into the heating vent.


Update: Was in heating vent. Gah

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Ork, not pork

These neighborhood prints from Ork Posters are the coolest shit in the world. I tried to copy it once but failed pretty miserably.

I like it in green.

When I was little, I thought farms were barns - and that's it. We lived in San Leandro where there are actual backyards. My dad built a barn thing for the dogs that we bred. I figured I lived on a farm what with the barn and Old MacDonald's dogs. I wanted our farm to be complete - to have a pig! I normally don't care for cute things, but miniature pot-belly pigs make me feel cuddly.

Okay, so they kind of look like albino aliens but I think they're damn adorable. Much sturdier than a stupid chihuahua.
I like their double chins.
I'd get two spotted piglets. Their names would be Flatulence and Feces.
I'm still afraid that my dad would eat them. So no Flatulence or Feces until I'm rich and live alone or with other people who will love Flatulence and Feces, not pork. No pork!

Monday, May 12, 2008

your face!

The other day while I was doing math homework, I found that I kept farting like crazy! You know, with helicopter consistency. I got to thinking how much it would suck if the wood under my butt could breathe or if the chair was actually a human transfigured by an evil witch-hag. Poor buddy!

And then I knew! Decoupage a chair with a FACE! Squirming! It would be situational irony every time I saw down. I've always wanted to decoupage a table surface or an entire chair. But this is just too good.

Something like this combo:
We have a whole bunch of simple dinner table chairs like this that everyone seemed to have in the '90s. A little sanding, black (or plum or Hermes orange, I can't decide) paint, and DECOUPAGE!! Any wooden or plastic chair would work in fact, - I'll keep an eye out for freebies in my hood. The face, whether it's 2 or not, has to pop like 3's coasters from Pearl River (only $2!)

Btw, I love Reuters for "wtf?!" stuff like this.

that's me on the wall

Might be appropriate for my first blog entry to be about me. Me as in my DNA. Apparently, you, me, and your houseplants can all be made into freaking art!

If you're too homely for a portrait, this will have to do, eh?

Speaking of houseplants, I was looking at my grandma's orchids today and those things are a bunch of shameless sluts. Splayed open with veerry suspiciously distinctive features! Look closely, but not too closely because then you'll just blush furiously like I did. It was a pretty awkward moment with myself.
Bees are floraphiles, the dirty bastards.
Does that mean that female bees are lesbian then?

Some complete skanks:

Menstrual, anyone?